Why do i keep moaning

They relate to whether your complaining is a positive or negative when it comes to your mental health because they change your intent. A research study on happiness found that if we do things with mindful intention , knowing the result we want from the action, we are more likely to feel good after. The findings did indeed support the idea that if we complain because we want a certain result, we are happier than if we just complain for the sake of it.

What is it we deep down are looking for with our complaining? And is it an effective way to get what you want? Back to complaining that a partner gets home late because of their new job. W e might be looking for discussion, understanding, and compromise. In this situation, it would be better to have an honest conversation. Along with having an intent, we also need to consider who we are complaining to. If we are venting with a friend or therapist , this might leave us feeling heard and released.

In the wrong environment, such as with our boss, we might face dire consequences, such as losing our job. Everyone has the right to bellyache on the occasional off-day, but the constant and unchecked whining of a habitual moaner is a contagion that can bring down even the strongest team. Unfortunately, low-level miserableness is as much a part of British life as warm beer, drizzle and delayed trains.

Resentful defeatism appears to be our national coping mechanism: as oneWife Swap contender put it: "Life's a bitch, get used to it. She has introduced a 'two moans and you're out' policy to halt the flow of negative energy within her company. There seems to be as much negative energy ebbing around French businesses too. Her manifesto for idling and capitalist subversion has clearly tapped into a European Zeitgeist of workplace cynicism, in diametric contrast to the American 'can-do' approach to all matters corporate.

It can have dramatic effects on those in the surrounding area. Self-confidence suffers, energy drops, and there is a bleak outlook on life. Anyone who has worked in an office with a resident moaner will know that their querulousness can suck the life out of you. But if they are managed competently, corporate sceptics can be turned into a useful addition to office life.

Having someone on the team who flaunts a healthy disregard for authority and management diktats can be valuable - so long as their subversion is effectively harnessed. Moaners will pick holes in over-optimistic plans and always present the downsideof the argument.

We should be grateful to have them. So, how do you go about effectively managing your resident whinger? First, appreciate that you can't just shut them up. Realise instead that you have a problem, the root of which you need to get to - and fast. These seem like genuine complaints to me, and as I am now a bit of an expert, I attempt to help him convert his venting into solutions. We come up with ideas for what he can do in the meantime to work towards his goal, and he even emails a few companies for work experience the same day.

I think a lot of it is about self-deprecation — who wants to sit there and listen to someone go on about how perfect their life is? At the end of our time together, I feel much better for it — and our conversation is even slightly more high-brow than usual! But no matter how calm I am determined to be, I still feel extremely frustrated that I am the one trying to soothe the situation when he is being unreasonable.

By allowing myself to be annoyed and accepting it, I can then release it — along with any feelings of guilt that I have about becoming annoyed in the first place. And as we walk out of our house, I feel it leave me as suddenly as it arrived, and Andy must too, for he apologises and we move on — which, I realise, is what this is all about anyway.

My two weeks of thinking before I complain has really made me re-examine a few things. And now I know how to complain properly, I feel more empowered and in control of my life. Catchy, right? Another potential result is that they just begin to tune you out — fatigued from hearing the same things repeatedly. Again, the better course of action is to try to be honest, positive and open.

But it does get easier with time.